Jane's ordination - Every Little Helps

As Roy Castle once sang:

"Ordination, Ordination, Ordination,
That's what you need"

And so the family decamped to deepest darkest Deptford for the weekend to support Jane at her ordination. Jane was on my staircase, a good friend and a free babysitter who liked lying on a real sofa in a real house every once in a while.

We drove down to her house in Deptford, picked up the keys from her vicar, Steve, and helped ourselves to her house. At this point it might help to understand that the last few days before your ordination are spent 'on retreat' away from the distractions of everyday life, in order to allow you to prepare properly for the life-changing ordination day. One distraction that Jane had was her post-ordination party. As a single lady she had to think long and hard about how she was going to find a 'wife' to sort this out for her, so the plan that evolved was this:

1. We, and another family, would spend the Saturday evening in her house, waiting in to receive the online supermarket order of party food that she had placed before leaving.
2. All would then go to Southwark Cathedral on Sunday morning to attend the ordination (except for Beth and Isaac who would be taken off in London by their uncle for the day)
3. Upon return from the Cathedral it would be all hands on deck to get the food out onto the tables.
4. Party starts, everybody happy.

The plan started to fall apart at step zero, on the Friday night, when I got a text from the other family saying that their car had broken down and they wouldn't be able to make it at all. So now we were the primary receivers of the shopping order. So on Saturday, having availed ourselves of Janes house, we went into London to look at Big Ben/Downing Street/Trafalgar Square/Buckingham Palace etc, with Isaac becoming a master climber of statues along the way.

At Tower Bridge as a thunderstorm broke over our heads it was time to head back to make sure that we were there before the opening of the delivery window at 7pm. We were a bit damp after a ride through the rain on the Docklands Light Railway, but we made it with 15 minutes to spare.

We had dinner, put the kids to bed, and waited. And waited. And waited. The delivery window closed at 9pm, with no sign of the order. Checking the copy of the order that Jane had left behind we saw that we could ring Customer Services up until 11pm, so we gave them half an hour's grace before calling. Upon calling them I got an automated message telling me that the lines closed at 8pm on a Saturday and didn't re-open until 10am on Sunday. Hmm....no party food, and due in the cathedral at 10.30am.

Plan B swung into action.

When Jane saw me at Southwark before the service started she made ber own assumptions about Tasha's absence, putting it down to 'childcare problems'. I wasn't confirming or denying anything - it wouldn't be good to lie to a nearly-Reverend, and we'd agreed not to get Jane worried.

I wasn't hanging about after the service. I pegged it across South-East London back to the house to find everything under control, and the last few things being put out onto tables.

So how had this miracle been achieved?

Tasha had stayed house-sitting, ringing Customer Services on the dot of 10am. They tried to help, but ultimately their best offer was to deliver on Monday evening, blaming 'XXXXX Weather'. So she told them to cancel the order and got in the car, finding the local superstore and doing the shopping herself. Of course as she'd been expecting to go to an ordination she only had her 'best' clothes, which drew some strange looks in Lewisham.

Upon her return she now had a couple of hours to kill before everybody was due back, so got everything out onto the tables. Not a bad achievement when you're in a strange house, not knowing what bowls/plates/dishes are available, or even if they've been unpacked yet.

Jane was blissfully unaware of any of this, as the supermarket had not even been bothered to phone her to tell her that the order would not be delivered. She only found out the truth when she arrived home and couldn't work out why the food was already on the table. Needless to say, Tasha was immediately everybody's best friend!

The Christian website 'Ship of Fools' drew my attention this morning to Bishop Jonathan Blake's latest addition to his ministry - the 5th emergency service 'Bishop on Call'. Why, oh why didn't we think of him on Saturday night. Tash could have still come to the ordination whilst Blake cruised the supermarket aisles. I bet he'd have got even funnier looks about his apparel than she did.